the life dreams

Dreams. Future aspirations. The ones that are often relegated to the back crevices of my consciousness by everyday life, relationships, the troubles and concerns of the mundane, and also my fear that they are not of God--my fear that they are self-serving, self-gratifying desires that have no place in my life for Christ--are:

-become knowledgeable (to the point i could teach/ write books) on comparative religions, cults and philosophy
-to live out a Ravi Zacharias-type evangelism/ministry (i.e. on a MUCH lower scale...though i would love to work for Ravi Zacharias Ministries)
-learn what a Christ-centered academic life looks like
-pursue my passion for C.S. Lewis and the other Inklings and their ability to make spiritual truths known in beautiful metaphor and symbol
-travel, live, work, shine the Light of the Gospel in India for a time (preferably at least a year)
-perhaps do some teaching in India/Africa (elementary schools/high schools/universities)
-inspire new passion for Christianity in artsey, alternative, prone to new-agee-hippy-ideas, fantasy-loving people (CONTEXTUALIZE CONTEXTUALIZE CONTEXTUALIZE)

The study of medieval and renaissance culture (literature, religion, philosophy, etc.)--especially at such an institution (and in such an atmostphere) as Oxford--nurtures such aspirations. (Hence why I am willing to go into debt to do the third year of my undergrad at the Centre for Medieval and Renaissance Studies, Oxford). Much of (institutional) Western Christianity's initial encounters with other religions took place during the Middle Ages. They were a time of syncretism and compromise that were not widely acknowledged as such. There can be many comparisons drawn between the Spirit of the Middle Ages and the Spirit of our own Post Modern day.

How to do this if marriage is a real possibility in the next couple years?--If i hope to raise a healthy and whole family?

I do have the rest of my life. What's to say that i have to accomplish all of this before i'm 25, even before i'm 30?

All of a sudden i can't wait to study and write essays again. Where has this rekindled passion come from? I hope it's God. All of a sudden I can be patient for whatever God has in store. The Lord's ways are thrilling.

The song that follows was just playing on the radio in our office. I used to listen to it quite a bit when I was about 12 or 13 (it was on my Mission Impossible soundtrack :-).

"Dreams," the Cranberries

Oh my life is changing everyday
in every possible way
though my dreams, it's never quite as it seems
never quite as it seems

I know I felt like this before
but now I'm feeling it even more
because it came from you

Then I open up and see
the person fumbling here is me
a different way to be

I want more, impossible to ignore
impossible to ignore
they'll come true, impossible not to do
impossible not to do

Now I tell you openly
you have my heart so don't hurt me
for what I couldn't find

Talk to me amazing mind
so understanding and so kind
you're everything to me

Oh my life is changing everyday
every possible way
though my dreams, it's never quite as it seems
'cause you're a dream to me
dream to me

Jesus...let me be the dreamer of YOUR dreams. I love you. I will pursue you.

I know you pursue me.

My life is in your hands.