knock knock

there are bombs blowing up subway stations, double decker buses and human hearts the world over. knock. the ocean's temperature has never been so high. knock. the body of a two year old boy was found 10 minutes away from my house. he was murdered by the boy's mother's ex-boyfriend (a resident of Cambridge). knock knock.
and i am tired.
i don't remember ever being this tired.
it's affecting my personality.

i need Jesus.

"Behold, I stand at the door and knock."

i feel loved, but it'll never be enough to satisfy this desert in my heart. the love of a man was never meant to completely quench the thirst of a woman's soul.

knock knock knock

i need to be pursued by Christ.
He stands at the door and knocks.
i have no strength to open the door by myself, Master.
help me to pursue you, my Lord.
there is nothing good in me that would be able to admit you (let alone find you) on my own.

"Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me." (Interesting how Christ closes his address to the lukewarm church in Revelation with this invitation....more on that later, hopefully.)

"You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything.
~Lifehouse, from "Everything"

"I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
...You still have
All of me"
~Evanescence, from "My Immortal"

'Love bade me welcome, yet my soul drew back,
Guilty of dust and sin.
But quick-ey'd Love, observing me grow slack
From my first entrance in,
Drew nearer to me, sweetly questioning
If I lack'd anything.

"A guest," I answer'd, "worthy to be here";
Love said, "You shall be he."
"I, the unkind, the ungrateful? ah my dear,
I cannot look on thee."
Love took my hand and smiling did reply,
"Who made the eyes but I?"

"Truth, Lord, but I have marr'd them; let my shame
Go where it doth deserve."
"And know you not," says Love, "who bore the blame?"
"My dear, then I will serve."
"You must sit down," says Love, "and taste my meat."
So I did sit and eat.'
~George Herbert, Love III