I am in the long process of becoming "me," and this blog is not longer part of that process, or that person. It was real (in a virtual way) for a time. I am so thankful for the new present.
to kiss or not to kiss in a Christian dating relationship?
posted by Be at 09:33
ASLAN REIGNS!
"Not all who wander are lost" ~J.R.R. Tolkien
“The Bible…does not release the Christian community, especially those [sic] gifted for the task, from the grind of studying and thinking about such matters.” ~John Peck, Uncommon Sense
Rational thought is the servant of faith: “Unless thou believe, thou shalt not understand.” ~Saint Augustine of Hippo
"If we ignore our culture we will be destined simply to reproduce it and those who are wedded to the spirit of this age are destined to be widowed in the next." ~Dean Inge as quoted by Dr. Craig Bartholomew
'Love bade me welcome, yet my soul drew back, Guilty of dust and sin. But quick-ey'd Love, observing me grow slack From my first entrance in, Drew nearer to me, sweetly questioning If I lack'd anything."A guest," I answer'd, "worthy to be here"; Love said, "You shall be he." "I, the unkind, the ungrateful? ah my dear, I cannot look on thee." Love took my hand and smiling did reply, "Who made the eyes but I?" "Truth, Lord, but I have marr'd them; let my shame Go where it doth deserve." "And know you not," says Love, "who bore the blame?" "My dear, then I will serve." "You must sit down," says Love, "and taste my meat." So I did sit and eat.' ~George Herbert, Love III
7 Comments:
Too many details.
then don't read it. i am glad i waited as long as i did, but i don't think i could wait til my wedding day. i'm not sure that's healthy.
"note: shawn groen elucidated that the author has obviously never been in love.
"
You should read the two articles she wrote after this one
(Don't) Kiss Me Gets Engaged & Kiss Me Now to see what happened to her views when she "fell in love." You'll appreciate the "Kiss Me Now" article, I think.
Bertnee:
Good point - that's exactly where the crunch comes in: define kissing. The problem is, our culture has already defined kissing for us so often - and we can't take it out the context of passionate romance.
Now, being married for 8 months, I'm all for passionate romance. But while I don't want to fall into the trap that says guy and girls can't understand each other on these issues, I will say that the 'passionate romance' game is a very dangerous highwire act for young men. Bar very few.
I also believe that there should be a gradual incline of both emotional and physical intimacy as marriage approaches. Kissing is one of the wonderful ways we can learn both of those things. The problem is that the difference between 'just kissing' and '[sweat] kissing'is about 1/100th of a second.
What am I trying to say? Simply that I believe kissing is wonderful, romantic, and one of the simplest, best ways to express intimacy and love. It's also the key to Bluebeard's door. If you have the iron gut it takes to save kissing for marriage, I'd recommend it. If not, make prayerful, clear decisions about defining what 'kissing' means at the stage you are in in your relationship. And stick with them.
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Thanks for the incisive comment, Adam. But I'm afraid you gathered something I didn't want to sow.
One distinction I want to make:
I'm not suggesting that if you decide to kiss in your relationship you've 'crossed over' to the sinful side. I believe that our discussion is simply a practical one: how can young people maintain purity in their relationships - what are the practical steps that make this kind of thing necessary? So it's a question of where you're drawing the line in the sand. I'm saying that if you are at a place where both of you are willing and to be 'too safe', then I recommend it.
You're right - these choices don't have to do with biological make-up. However, they do have to do with cultural and family make-up. At Redeemer, for example, cultural assimilation and similarities are so great that we don't always realize that there could be a fairly large cultural divide between us and our special someone's families. And that can make a difference with something like kissing. I know it did in my situation.
My point is this: people aren't de facto sinners for choosing to kiss. But if you're in a situation where you can choose not to, I believe great benefits may be had by making that decision.
But of course I didn't say this in my post, so everything you said holds true.
Thanks,
Richard
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