labyrinth

For the past few days I have been wandering aimlessly in the dark. The looping spirals and dead ends of this labyrinth of my emotions are exhausting. Why is the path of disobedience always so much easier, so much slipperier? I know what I should do, but I don't want to do it. And so I bathe myself in song, in the tears and fears of others. I don't want to be alone.

Enya's Pilgrim

Pilgrim, how you journey
on the road you chose
to find out why the winds die
and where the stories go.
All days come from one day
that much you must know,
you cannot change what's over
but only where you go.
One way leads to diamonds,
one way leads to gold,
another leads you only
to everything you're told.
In your heart you wonder
which of these is true;
the road that leads to nowhere,
the road that leads to you.

Will you find the answer
in all you say and do?
Will you find the answer
In you?
Each heart is a pilgrim,
each one wants to know
the reason why the winds die
and where the stories go.
Pilgrim, in your journey
you may travel far,
for pilgrim it's a long way
to find out who you are...
Pilgrim, it's a long way
to find out who you are...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know there are no answers within. Sin has destroyed any possibility of pure self-wisdom.
The only true answers lies somewhere I don't want to go, with someone I don't want to face.
And so I flounder in the dark, in the deepening mist. "Alone" with my burning desires and selfish ambitions.

"Only shadow can fight shadow. Only darkness can defeat the dark....[The Stone] spoke of your coming. It knows its master. It has waited for you to come. Before even you were born it waited for you, for the one who could master it. And he who can make the Terrenon answer what he asks and do what he wills, has power over his own destiny: strength to crush any enemy, mortal or of the other world: foresight, knowledge, wealth, dominion, and a wizardry at his command that could humble the Archmage himself! As much of that, as little of that as you choose, is yours for the asking"....Softly she whispered, "You will be mightier than all men, a king among men. You will rule, and I will rule with you."
Suddenly Ged stood up, and one step forward took him where he could see, just around the curve of the long room's wall, beside the door, the Lord of the Terrenon who stood listening and smiling a little. Ged's eyes cleared, and his mind. He looked down at Serret.
"It is light that defeats the dark," he said stammering, ---"light."

~Ursula K. LeGuin, A Wizard of Earthsea

I began this around 11:30, it is now 3:32 in the morning. I just finished an msn conversation with a follower of new ageism---now ex-follower. He has rejected the darkness that masquerades as light and declared Jesus as the One True Lord of the Universe and of his heart! I am overjoyed---and the darkness that was trying so hard to creep under my doors has fled! Amen! Thank you Jesus. I know the struggle---and the journey---is not over, but for now, I am refreshed. You are Holy and Wise and Good and I am sorry for denying you. Thank you for facing me despite myself.
Thank you that you are greater than all the labyrinths I create.